Way to fail, Erica

This week has been a horrible one. Simply horrible. I've been eating like crap, not exercising, and have spent WAY more time in bed than I need to. I don't even know why, really. Maybe it's a depression bout. (Something I've been battling since I was in high school and I should know ways to cope by now.) I just see myself screwing up one day and think "well, there goes that, I should just give up now." I don't know where the heck my motivation went.

I did the G.I. Jane event last Saturday that my husband's unit put on and it kicked my ass, hard. I was having trouble just standing up and walking for like two days afterwards, and I'm still waiting for the blisters on my feet to heal. I had a BLAST though. We started off the morning with a (either half-mile or quarter-mile) run (in full ACUs mind you, those jackets are HOT!), then a 2-mile march with our backpacks. From there we loaded up on trucks and hit the obstacle course, where my fear of heights got the best of me on the first obstacle and my lack of height proved to be an issue for the rest of it, lol (I did do those, though!).

Me on the Belly Robber (photo from 4-25)

From there, after an MRE lunch, we got to the range and shot off a magazine on the M4. I didn't actually HIT the little black target but I was told by my husband and a few other soldiers that my groups were good and I did well for shooting a weapon that wasn't zeroed to me. 

The smell got to me more than anything.

And after the shooting range, we loaded up again and did our last event, the 34ft jump tower. My husband's unit is Airborne so as such, most of them jump out of planes. The jump tower is a tower (go figure, huh?) with a zip line of sorts that leads from 34ft up to the bottom, and you slide down it on a harness similar to one used when using a parachute. We all were instructed on how to jump properly and then, were fitted with harnesses and climbed the stairs to the top. Let me tell you, 34 feet is a LOT taller than one might think! Especially when you're terrified of heights! However, this pansy did it!

Wheeeee!!!!

Of course, I had a helmet issue when I jumped so the harness hit the helmet, which in turn caused the helmet straps to try to take my ear off, lol:

Nothing's done right until you bleed! Amirite?

All in all, I had a great time that day, and I was with a WONDERFUL group of hilarious ladies that made it all the more fun (GO TEAM RAGE!) and I'm pretty proud of myself for completing the day. 

Now, finally off of my butt and getting it back into gear. My head's not in a right place and I'm still trying to figure out how to get it back. I think I'm getting bored with my workouts and I'm working on figuring new ones out. 

I'll take another update pic tonight (although there's really no change....except for maybe up :/ ) and post that after the kids go to bed. I don't like them seeing me like that (which is pretty pathetic, really.) 

Did I mention that we're even CLOSER to my husband coming home? YAYAYAYAY!!!!

What the heck was I eating?!?!

So, Tuesday was a fall back day for me. I got up and realized I had to get about 38205892085million things done, so I got up and got myself and the kids ready and left the house, ran some errands, took them to the park, and then lunch time hit. I hadn't had breakfast! By lunch I was tired, STARVING, and the kids wanted to eat, so what did we do? Burger King.

Never. Again.

As stated in a previous post, I've been tracking all my food and exercise on MyFitnessPal and I got home, put in my one meal, and stared at the screen in disbelief. Over A THOUSAND CALORIES from ONE meal. And I used to eat out nearly every day. Coffee, a burger for lunch/dinner, sodas, etc. All the time. Because I was "too tired to cook" or "didn't have time"....gosh was I lying to myself.

I seriously do not even want to know how many calories I was eating per day with my old habits. I am purposely not looking it up, because I think I'd cry. No wonder I'm over 200 pounds!

I'm working out on average about 2 hours a day, spending about 30 minutes of that on my bike downstairs. My legs are FEELIN' it! Did a bit of my Zumba yesterday and I think I've got a little bit to go before I can do it well.

Most of all, I am SO happy with how my eating habits have changed. Other than that horrid Burger King mess, I've been eating at home for all of my meals, and staying well within my calorie limits each day.

One of my absolute favorite things has been my dark chocolate/peanut butter/banana smoothies. I try to use it as a meal (breakfast if I'm coherent enough to operate a blender in the morning, lol) but sometimes it's a snack if I need to get some more protein.

Recipe:

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie
186 calories per serving (makes 1 decent sized serving, or split it into 2 if using for a snack)

1/2 frozen banana, chopped
1 T dark chocolate cocoa powder
1 T creamy peanut butter
1/3 c skim milk
ice if necessary (like if your banana isn't frozen)

Just add it all in a blender and let it do it's thing! I sometimes don't need the ice, or have to adjust the amount of milk to get a good consistency. It's SUPER yummy and filling. I'm looking at getting some protein powder to replace the cocoa powder with, but I'm pretty picky so I haven't found one yet. There's all sorts of ways you can customize this though, you'd just have to check the nutrition info for any changes (which you can do at MyFitnessPal as well). Use regular cocoa instead of dark, almond milk for the skim milk, etc. This is just using my preferences and what I normally have on hand.


I'm also surprising myself with how much I'm able to workout. To say that I led a sedentary lifestyle is a bit of an understatement. I was LAZY. But I'm moving a lot now, and even though I'm still having issues with my energy levels (I have a feeling that has to do with how much sleep I'm getting on top of my results from my lab work) it's easier for me to get moving, I can keep up with the kids better, and I'm just HAPPY. And it's been what, a week and a half? My ball crunches are getting easier so I'm adding more reps (7 reps of 12 today, for example) and I'm working on defining my arms as well so I do as many reps as I can of curls and something I call "the bird" because I don't know all the exercises "real" names (keeping the arms straight and lifting straight up to the side so that they're level with your shoulders- I know there's a name for it, I just don't know it lol), and I'm starting to see some definition and by golly, when I flex there's actually something there!

So maybe I *am* already seeing results, just not in my waistline yet. I'm becoming ok with that :)

Off to a good start?

Ehhhhhh not so much. I'm working out a TON but other than being insanely sore, not seeing or feeling any results. I'm still struggling through my workout routine. And my clothes still fit the same.

I KNOW, I know, it takes time. I can't expect immediate results. But dang, no wonder so many people quit after such a short amount of time. It's discouraging to see and feel nothing but pain for the first bit. Hopefully I'll be able to experience some change soon though!

I found a good website that helps me track what I eat and how I workout every day: MyFitnessPal

It's pretty interesting to see just how much I'm consuming and oh my gosh did you know that bread has that many calories?!? Ok well, I didn't. Lol.

Also, eggs have become my favorite besides my meal shake. And it's not that bad calorie speaking! Good for protein too, which I need. I have to keep up my Vit D supplement since lab tests found I'm HIGHLY deficient, but I've been taking advantage of the bits of sun this Alaskan summer is finally having (and if you look down, you'll see a bit of a tan! A TAN! In Alaska! Yay!) Mio is helping me drink my water too, since I STILL can't stand plain water (I blame the pregnancy with my oldest, I couldn't even shower without getting sick from just the smell of water.) If I'm looking for a "treat", I am in love with Crystal Light's Mojito drink. Non-alcoholic but very yummy. I'll have to try a real mojito sometime, haha!

I did the "Slim & 6-pack" part of my workout routine (on top of the regular one) on Saturday, and after what felt like 800 crunches (no, seriously, we did a LOT! Of every variation too. I promise, if a variation exists, I did about 100 of them. Ok so it was more like 100-150 total in reality, but you catch the drift!) I'm seriously surprised my mid-section hasn't taken off screaming at me for the abuse I put it through. I'm STILL sore from it! But that's a good thing.

I've found that if I keep moving throughout the day, I'm good. If I sit for more than 5 minutes I'm about to crash though, lol. More of that "an object at rest stays at rest, an object in motion stays in motion" kinda thing, I suppose. (Thanks Newton!)

Well, here's today's stat/visual.

Weight: my scale can't make up its mind whether I'm 215 or 220, and I want to go with 215, but I'll weigh again in the morning, since that's supposed to be the most accurate.

See, no visual change really. And my cat is being insanely needy. But this is the other cat, lol! Excuse the folded up tank for a sports bra, my one and only lonely sports bra is in the wash, so this will have to do! I should go buy more, eh?

So, there's that. I'll try to update more often, but still only pics once a week. 

We're getting SO CLOSE to my husband's homecoming, I can't stand it! I have, however, given up on trying to sew my homecoming dress and I'm buying one, lol. I still can't sew a straight line well; there's no way I have enough time to learn how to make clothing by then! But that's a good thing, because it means it's closer, YAYAYAYAYAYAY! 

Until next time :D

Day One: What have I been waiting for?

1-July-2012:
Here it goes. No more complete laziness. No more excuses. No more giving in to the food temptations. And NO MORE WHINING ABOUT SOMETHING I CAN CHANGE.

So much time has been wasted sitting on my ass on the computer or in the car, when I could be out enjoying life, enjoying Alaska, enjoying my time with my family. And I'm sick of it. And, as it turns out, pretty sick. Deficiencies, becoming borderline diabetic, the headaches, the dizziness, the tiredness; all of this could be taken care of if I'd just take care of myself.

This blog is my own weight loss journal. It's raw. I am baring myself to possibly complete strangers and I'm terrified. I've been so ashamed of my body and my lack of being able to do much (and I've got three small children, I NEED that energy!) and I've hidden. No shorts, skirts and dresses? Pfft, not anytime soon. I even hate exposing my arms.

But, not only is this words on a page, there are pictures. Photo proof of where I'm starting, and where I'm going. Not gonna lie, it's ugly. For now. I'm not starting off hardcore doing 6 hours of working out everyday (I don't have the time even if I wanted to) and eating nothing but broccoli for 2 months, but I am starting. And that's an improvement from before, so I'm going to take it.

As you're reading this, I ask you for one thing. HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE. Barring major life events, I will attempt to post at least a few times a week, and include a photo once a week, to see my progress. Hold me to that. My fear is a crutch and for years my fear of failure has been the reason I haven't started anything. No more.

So, here's where I'm starting.

Weight: 216 lbs

Height: 5'4"

Pant size: 18

Yeah, my pictures are taken in the bathroom. Oh well.

Workout: 

I've bought the Beachbody "Slim in 6" as getting to the gym is pretty hard to do with three kids, so I'm doing what I can at home until my husband comes home. I did 20 minutes of it earrrrrly early this morning (like 2am before I went to bed) and will be getting in 30 minutes of it this evening. Plan on hitting the exercise bike downstairs for half an hour as well once the kids go to sleep.

Diet: 

Breakfast: had a bacon artisan sandwich from Starbucks. I know, I know, not a good choice. I have no excuse for it other than "I wanted it." Guilty! But, having to post it is yet another reason to make good choices, I don't like admitting it on here! 

Lunch: peanut butter and banana sandwich. Eh, I've had worse. My bananas were about to go bad that's one of the only ways I can eat them, bananas make me kinda sick.

Dinner: planning on baked fried chicken (recipe found here) for the kids with side salad, and a salad for me. *May* cut up a bit of chicken for the salad as well.